I LOST MYSELF: Failure In Pleasing Others

HELLO Maniacs!! Long time no see! I realize that no matter how often I remind myself that I need to blog, I sometimes become to preoccupied with other things or just want to take time to digest my experiences. Then after a while I will come back to you guys and regurgitate. Okay, no lie, that visual is kind of gross, but who doesn’t like a description that tingles the senses and makes the good ole’ stomach churn, eh?

How are you guys doing? Good? I hope so! I’ve missed you guys! Okay, what do I want to talk about today? What should you read to start your brand new week?

Humanity will kill you.

Whoa! That is an unyielding conversation starter, yes?

I have had a lot of time to think about what is different in life since my automobile accident. I was desolate within my own storm, awaiting the dreary worries and stressors of life to pass over. But having a future where teaching dance again wasn’t certain made that storm feel like it would forever brew, drowning me. However, things did change, as I made the decision to teach again, even if I still had pain in my foot.

With classes nowadays, I feel as if I am able to enjoy the experience so much more now. I know what you’re thinking?

“Didn’t you enjoy it before?”

My answer would be yes…and simultaneously, an emphatic NO! We are honest on this Blog, so let me get right to shooting the shit.

There was a time where I was no longer a passionate instructor, but a bitter, burnt-out shell of what I once was. I enjoyed it still to a small extent, but being pulled in many different directions with humans unknowingly taking every bit and piece of me for themselves and barely reciprocating made life kind of shitty. It made me question if what I was doing was making a difference, because internally I had checked out!

I know! As instructors, we are supposed to reflect a certain modicum of always having it in us to teach because that is the job. But I must admit, somedays I was running on 30% capacity, spiritually, mentally and emotionally.

Let me make it clear, that you can be revered by your peers about your exceptional performance within your work and be commended on your sacrifices in doing so! But people will still use you up until you have nothing left for yourself. My cup was dried to the bottom with nothing but dust and a lingering stench of a vacant life running out of it. That being said, I can’t blame those who just didn’t know the lengths of exhaustion that I was at. I, too, had a part to play. I didn’t take the proper precautions to rest, relax and smell the aroma of the sweet victories that I had accomplished. I didn’t take vacations–whether big or small–to rejuvenate my soul and stoke the fire that once burned fervent inside me.

It wasn’t until after my accident that I began to realize the importance of putting yourself first. You MUST draw a line in the sand between you and those that benefit from you and the gifts you bring to this world. You can do everything in your power to please people but at the end of it all you can’t please everyone and will fail miserably, losing yourself in the process.

Do I want to make people happy? Yes! Do I want everyone to enjoy themselves and grow to be better people within my classes? You’re darn tootin’, I do! But no longer can I afford to serve myself on a platter where vultures scavenge upon me. What I do, I do because I love it and those surrounding me are beneficiaries after the fact. If I have nothing more to give, no one progresses, grows or becomes better. In order to be efficient, I now always–in a non-negotiable fashion–come first.

In closing, I want to believe that I am on a path to a better life and one of the things I am doing differently is doing what makes me happy and doing routines, going to places or even NOT doing things that are the opposite of my aspirations. You can’t control how others respond to the decisions you make, and dammit, you don’t owe an explanation.

Stay happy, stay true to you and take care of yourself so that you can continue to be beneficial to those that think the world of you versus those that take and never give.

Love you guys! Have a great week and I’ll chat with you again soon!

–CAM ❤