Purpose Hurts

What’s the point?
What’s the point of rising up from bed to try and save a world that doesn’t thank you for saving it? What’s the worth of struggling in private, wanting to scream in frustration, binge, slit, press a warm barrel against your head, shoot up your veins, trying to cope by consuming within unhealthy things for comfort only to have to do it for life? Or how about everyday wanting to bang your fist into every single damn wall because you’re scared, angry, broke, broken and tired, —no—exhausted to the point where you’d take death in order to never wake up to this world of cold shoulders, fake smiles, real agendas, turncoats and inconceivable emotional fatigue for trying to do right?
Oh, and the pain of knowing that no matter how hard you try and articulate your issues there’s always someone lurking around the corner puckering their gums to say “That’s just the way it is, so deal” as if you haven’t experienced hardship and haven’t involuntarily had to study the perils of life at the school of hard knocks where you sat at turned tables with the unfairly stacked cards presented to you.
What the hell is it all for?!
Is it love? Is it infatuation? Is it the selfish thinking that you alone with your gift that brings you not what you need to live your life, while maybe enhancing people’s lives, can really have a lasting effect on them? Do you think “Hmm, I have exactly what it takes to do this job” and then one day think, “You know what, this shit ain’t for me, someone else will do it”?
Guess what, it can be all those things!
It’s the behind the scenes that people do not see when people are good, earnest, just trying to force a smile with whatever genuine goodness untainted that lies within them to make this world a better place. It’s hard work and it isn’t always pretty. I’ve had some struggles openly with this.
Just know that you have gifts and the world—cold, cruel, calculating, criticizing, demoralizing, instilled with boasting apathy—needs whatever you have to make it a better place. At least that’s what I’d like to believe.
So, before you assume that someone’s amazing energy is powerful enough to not take awareness of the other side, the anthesis of what they represent and the fight to not become one with that, think again.
“To whom much is given, much is required…” Sometimes I wish I was given less, much less for what it cost, but here we are–using the power from our pain to fuel our purpose! Make the best of what you all got; You all have something to contribute! ✌🏾

–CAM ❤️

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