One, two, three, four maybe even five; your inner circle is important in how you thrive.
There are those out there that consider themselves to be complete loners and that’s fine, but we all desire to be heard, to be understood, to be loved.
So what’s the importance of our relationships and connections? Can we have healthy, superficial relationships? Does every friendship have to be full of guttural, raw honesty, or should that be reserved for people who have deserved those titles of being true friends, protectors, supporters, keepers? One of the most important areas of self-care has to do with who is around you, in your ear, in your mind, and in your heart. Who has the keys to excel you or dethrone you? Your circle is important. Let’s examine below.
Meat and Potatoes
Don’t you hate it when you meet someone and you feel a connection? You say, “We’ll be friends forever!” and wish that there wasn’t a doubt in your mind that this may be true. Well, the sad truth is that it isn’t always the case.
In life, we are attracted to and are attracting people who react to our true character. Yes, the lovely honeymoon phase starts to wane with time and you really get to see if that vision you had of life-long fellowship will endure the things that life brings you.
One mistake people make is thinking that those surface connections they have with folks have more meaning than they actually do. You think that a person who is supposed to be with you for a short time is meant to be there for a lifetime. The damage from neglecting the red flags and allowing someone like that to be around you longer than they need to be can be detrimental. In my experience, the deep connections I have made are with few and have healthily remained that way. On top of everyone not having your best interest at heart, the more people in your psyche the more cluttered it can become anyways.
Another problem is the ubiquitously felt issues with the inevitable occurring changes in friendships. People grow, and though it may suck that some folks can’t transcend and grow with you, it happens! Doesn’t mean you hate them or love them less.
The Disconnect: If they are not a driving force that is supporting you, cheering you on and also showing up to the plate every time, they cannot stay. PERIOD. Too many of us leave open, forever-revolving doors for people that don’t even care if they exist–myself included. Close that shit, padlock it and move on so that those that are meant to be in your circle can come and stay for however long they are supposed to!
I feel like this mindset stems from the immature high-school mentality we are led to believe that having a certain amount of friends is paramount to who we are as people regardless of what intentions–good or bad–they have for us. That perhaps since we aren’t the most sought after or popular that our character is out of order and we need to conform and be someone we are not to attract a bunch of people who will never align to our true selves. It’s sad, but that’s where we are–especially with the social media age. I’ve always heard from those wiser than I that if you’re lucky, you’ll have one person who will always be there with you–someone who understands you even as you grow because they also grow with you. When my friends win, so do I! I am in a space where growth is inevitable and if the people in my space are refusing to transcend alongside me, I cannot align myself with them anymore.
Remember that cutting people off does not always mean you have enmity with them, it’s just that they no longer serve you and the purpose that has been placed on your life. Love them from a distance in order for you to do what brings you fulfillment in life. Be forever mindful of the fact this life is yours, and for all we know, it’s the only one we get!
The gist is that you are only as good as your circle. If they are not speaking life and prosperity into you and are busy talking about things that really do not make a difference in your life or the friendship that you have, you’ve got to climb out of the crab barrel and be willing to be alone in your journey. Dead weight is just that–DEAD!
As we are getting close to closing out 2018, in 2019, I want you to examine those around you constantly. Think of it as going to the doctor for a check-up. Are they helping you stay afloat when you drown or are they–knowingly or unknowingly–anchoring you from your potential. Life is hard enough already, so don’t spend another minute around people who make you stay in the box that they want you to be in. That’s not friendship, that’s ownership–which is another blog for another time within itself!
That’s all for now! I have a lot of stuff on my mind these days, Maniacs! I’ll be sure to come back and speak on those subjects at a later time.
Be good to yourself, Be good to others, and remember that your connections with people are a dance called the Tango; It takes two to make it work!